Today is Day 6 of the Community Raw Food Cleanse.

It is challenging to find things to write about every day of the cleanse, so I've decided instead to write whenever I feel inspired, usually between 2 or 3 days, to review what has come up during the experience.

A number of things have risen to the surface these last few days. Whether they are related to the cleanse or additional I'm not sure, but I believe they are coming up as a result of the purge of certain foods.

The purging of certain foods, mainly sugar, caffeine, bread, and dairy, has forced me to re-assess my attachment to food. As I said in an earlier post, I have used these foods to deal with boredom, anxiety, and depression, or as a way of avoiding things I have to get done but I'm afraid to start. They are used as a way to stall my growth in one direction or another. As a result of this purging, the things that I would otherwise be avoiding with food are coming to the surface, and I'm having to deal with them. However, I've realized that in order for me to actually deal with these things, I have a couple of other things to purge.

Like many of my generation, I have an addiction, and it's a bad one. I often wonder what I could do with the hundreds of hours I have probably spent uselessly on Facebook. If I look at this, I will understand that it is truly an addiction, inside and out. I will check Facebook if I'm bored. If I'm depressed. If I don't want to think about something. If I want to start something but I am afraid to. If I don't know where to start on something. If I'm feeling resistance. If I'm anxious. I know there could be millions of things I could be reading or doing, but it all overwhelms me so much that instead what do I do? I go on Facebook.

Whew. Ok, there we go. The first step is admitting you have a problem.

What makes it even more of an addiction? The fact that I don't feel any better at all after I've looked on Facebook. I mean, it relieves something, very temporarily. But that's just on the surface. Underneath all that I actually feel way, way worse, because I know I'm not doing anything. I'm just watching the time go by, idly. When you keep going back to something, even when you know its not good for you, when you know it doesn't make you feel good, that's what I would call an addiction.

So, I've decided to release that from my life. Not Facebook, entirely. See, I like certain aspects of Facebook. It's a great tool. If I need a tool, some compost, or information on something, I just post onto one of my Permaculture groups, and usually within the day I'll get an answer. That's what Facebook is really useful for. Probably many of the things I'm doing and involved with are as a result of me finding out about it on Facebook. So I'd like to keep that aspect.

What I don't want to keep is all my old photos. Old statuses. People that I've remained "friends" with on Facebook but never, ever talk to them because we have nothing in common. I want to get rid of all the excess data. And then I thought, what if that's it? What if there is just too much data in my brain? No wonder I have so much trouble meditating or "being in the moment". I'm high on too much useless data.

I'm not sure exactly how to proceed with this. Do I completely delete Facebook? No, because I want to find out about events and have the ability to network with a bunch of amazing people. Who do I add as a friend? Who don't I add as a friend? Perhaps I don't really need Facebook. Perhaps if I don't have it, it will force me to be more involved in the community, go out and talk to people and find out about events that way, rather than by sitting at my computer.

So, I'm unsure. But I think one thing I will do is delete my current account. Completely. For about a week. Then I will create a new account, add all the people I'd like to network with, and friends from out of town that I'd like to stay in contact with....

I don't know. All I know is, I will spend less time on Facebook. If I go on, it is to check the time of something, to ask a question, to post an event. That's not the addictive stuff. I will remove the looking at people's photos, the endless scroll down on a news feed, the turning off of my brain. Because, really, I think it's about my fear of my brain. I'm afraid to start something due to my capacity to overthink things and get all anxious about it. So I choose not to do it. And turn off my brain instead.

Checking Facebook and email frequently allows me to feed anxiety. I'll check frequently, to see "oh, maybe so-and-so has responded to that", maybe I'd better check. Just filling the time with things to do so I don't actually have to do anything. And also, I'll add, it feeds a fear of not being good enough, not being liked, if I keep checking to look for a response.

So, anyway, how does this relate to cleansing?

All of my emotional crutches are becoming startlingly clear. What are the things that are keeping me from growth, keeping me from being present in the moment and joyful? Well, it's not Facebook. It's not sugar. It's not bread. It's not dairy. It's nothing other than me. But I, the one who creates, has used these things to prevent my growth, my joy, my calmness, my presence in the moment, my clarity of thought.

So, why was I so scared of those things? They are way better than Facebook. May not be as tasty and delicious as a brownie, but they are ultimately more fulfilling. More nourishing.

This blog post wasn't really about food. But what we put in our bodies has so many connections to so many other things, that really, it was about food.

Until next time.

-Lisi