The journey begins...

Hello, blogging world.

So, I have a confession to make.

I've never succeeded at blogging. Phew. Ok, that's done.

Over the years, I've started a few blogs. Looking over my Google page of "Lisi's blogs" is somewhat depressing, as there are 3 or 4 posts on each of the blogs I've started, but then it stops. I always begin with the intention of posting a lot, but then I run out of things to say on whatever topic I choose to write about, so the blog fizzles out. I could go on about how this is a pattern in my life, starting something, then abandoning, but that's a little heavy and this is only the first post.

So, then I realized. Maybe I shouldn't limit myself to ONE topic. I've been noticing recently that there are many aspects to myself that I wish to cultivate. Hence the tree metaphor: many branches, going out in all directions. Screw society that says I need to focus on one thing, to specialize.  Bullpoop. I wanna do them all! At least for now.

There is one topic that I will not run out of posts to write about: everything.

Around the turn of the New Year, I made a significant discovery- there have been parts of myself that I have been ignoring, things I haven't dealt with, that are causing me anxiety and pain in the present. I became acutely aware of all of my negative patterns that I thought I was through with (oops), but that I found myself repeating again. What fun. I went through about a week where I felt some intense anxiety and sadness, that I thought I had dealt with that year. Turns out not. Oh well.

One morning, I began to climb out of this tunnel of darkness, and as I walked around my beautiful neighbourhood I knew what I needed. I needed the space and time to completely focus on me. To give myself love, focus on my mental and physical health, to learn, to breathe, to discover. Who am I, really? I am just about to cross over the midway point through my twenties, over the hump toward 30, so I believe this is defined as a 'quarter-life crisis'. Or, 'just-over-quarter-life-crisis'.

The purpose of this blog? To share with the world (or, just, you know, the interwebs) the discoveries I make, journeys I embark on, projects I work on, things I learn- as a record, and a way of reflecting. I have never really liked journaling. I don't want to journal. I want to write. Writing is one of the things I do, one of the things I love. I want to share, even if it's just for myself, my thoughts, journeys and explorations, and attempt to describe them in a unique, succint, creative way. With humour. Always with humour. Maybe, the challenge is to write these things with an audience, so that I can find that clarity I am desiring in my life.

I recently made the decision to leave my job at the small shop I've been working at for the past six months, in order to give myself the space and time to do the things I want to do, to follow my passions, to learn, to discover, to focus on me. It's scary, to think that I will be living on savings, not making any new money, not having financial security. But it's scarier to live my life waiting to follow my passions, rather than actually living them. It's easy to fall asleep in life, to get comfortable in a routine without questioning it. Then you see a glimpse of who you really are and panic sets in, with the realization that you're not living the life you want. As someone scrawled inside the bathroom stall I happened to be in this afternoon:

"Today is the first day of the rest of your life."

Bring it.